somewhere between a sigh and a growl

I'm not sure what that noise would sound like, but it's what I'm making right now. Or rather, I keep alternating between sighing and growling, because like I said, I don't quite know how to combine the two. Suggestions?

There are several reasons for my frustration and crankiness, most of which I won't go into here, but one thing that's been bugging the hell out of me is my internal struggle over 1st vs. 3rd person POV in my current WIP.

When I wrote the first draft, I was just focused on getting the words on paper (or the computer screen, whatever) and I wrote some chapters in first person, some in third, as the mood struck me. There was not a lot of thought involved; I just wrote instinctively.

So one of the questions that's preoccupied me for the last year, since I wrote the first draft, is which POV to use. I felt like the story needed a consistent narrative approach. I ended up going with first person, largely because the protagonist undergoes such an emotional/mental journey as she goes through the plot conflicts. She transitions from anti-hero to hero, and during her journey, she makes some choices that most people would probably respond to with a well-deserved "WTF?" So I felt like the first person would heighten the reader's sympathy with her while supporting the tension between her (at times admittedly unreliable) perspective and the rest of the world.

Then, yesterday, I reached the halfway point in my first round of revision. I finished 25 of the 50 chapters (yay!), and felt great about how the story was going. I decided to take a little break, do some stuff around the house, and then read a bunch of articles about writing/revising/character/plot/POV.

That last bit was, I realize now, perhaps a mistake. Okay, definitely a mistake. I read some articles discussing 1st & 3rd-person narration, and the debate I thought I'd settled for myself just raged right up again. Except at this point, I'm halfway through making the novel a consistent POV, and nearly 30,000 words in is really not when one wants to be questioning one's narrative choice.

So, y'know. Little irritated. Part of my frustration is that it seems a lot of writers consider first person to be an "immature" choice of narration, which made me question myself and get all insecure about my writing abilities. But as Nathan Bransford says (not in the linked post, but often), if it works, it works, and I think as long as I'm aware of the possible pitfalls of 1st-person narration - and, even better, avoiding them - it may still be the right choice for this story.

So I'm going to press on with the 1st-person narration, finish the revision, and then go back and reread it carefully and critically. Hell, if I really feel the need, I can always go back and revise the entire book with 3rd-person instead (and won't that be a treat). It could be a useful exercise, and really, it's not like I'm on a particular deadline. I just hoped to get the novel in query-worthy shape sooner rather than later.

But ultimately, the important thing is that the story's told right, and told as well as possible. So if it takes an extra draft, I'm sure the extra work would only improve it. (Sigh. Do I sound constructive? I feel... tired. But I'm trying to convince myself to think positive anyway.) I was already planning to put it through at least two more rounds of revision, so an extra, massively long exercise in POV might not be too much of a detour. We shall see.

In the meantime, once more unto the breach, dear friends. Time to tackle the second half. If you have any thoughts on the pros & cons of 1st or 3rd person, I'd love to hear them!

Revision's still, deep waters

In the last two days, I've revised eleven chapters of the novel I wrote during last year's NaNoWriMo. Technically speaking, that puts me more than 20 percent of the way through Round 2, which is a lot better than, say, zero percent of the way, or even ten percent. It's important to celebrate these milestones.

I'm starting to get a little nervous, though, because I know the real work is up ahead. It sort of feels like digging around in the yard and not quite knowing where the water line is, just that it's there. One of these days soon, I'm going to reach a certain point in the story and all this force is going to be unleashed.

So far, the revisions mostly involve making all the verb tenses consistent, tightening up sloppy or redundant writing, and smacking the occasional passive voice into action. A lot of it has centered around changing the chapters I wrote from a third-person POV into first-person. (I'm sort of glad I have no idea whether I wrote more chapters in first or third person in Round 1.)

But I worry that I'm taking refuge in technicalities. When I revise my poetry, I tend to get in there with both hands and tear it apart, move words and lines around, pull lines out and write 10-line exercises based on them to get at what I really meant, reassemble the lines and stanzas in different orders - in short, I rip my heart out, play hacky-sack with it for a while, and then put it back in place better-than-new.

Since I've spent a lot more of my life on writing and revising poetry than I have on fiction, I feel a lot safer during the poetry process than I do right now. Don't get me wrong; I go through plenty dark nights of the soul when I'm revising my poems, but y'know, they're just so much shorter than a novel. There's that stage of revision, right before it all comes together, when the entire thing turns into a royal, absolute mess. Then, like pulling the right thread in a cats-cradle, somehow it all magically ties together in a neat, ordered, beautiful way.

When we're talking about a 62,000-word rough draft, though, that absolute mess starts sounding a whole lot messier. In my imagination, it takes on downright scary, Titanic proportions. I know there are plot holes lurking like icebergs, just waiting for me to run into them. I also know I'm going to have to add some word count at some point, for this to be the length of a proper novel, and so far all I'm doing is tightening up the words.

Of course, one of the keys to good writing is for every word to matter, so I don't stress as much about adding to the story. If it's there, it'll come out; if not, it'll just be a short book. Better to be short than to have a lot of useless blather. My hope is that filling in those gaping plot holes will add to the length, too.

I keep telling myself I can make this entire first round of revision about the technicalities, if I want to, and then go through and read it more for the storyline. I can just keep segmenting down the necessary aspects of revision until they're in more manageable pieces - poem-sized, if you will.

But I've never labored for too long under the delusion that I really have control over my writing. Isn't that why we write? The words demand we write them, and we serve as their channel as best we can. Here's hoping I lose some of this control soon, and the story takes over.

of miscellaneous mind

I've got an amalgam of thoughts jostling each other for space right now.

First, as I delve further into the writing Twitterverse, I keep coming across articles on common topics. One is what-you-should-be-Tweeting or how-to-be-a-successful-Twitter-writer or whatever. Here's my opinion:

Just be yourself.

It's a lot like writing; it's important to speak with your authentic voice. There seems to be a lot of advice to advance your personal brand and be professional and useful and whatever else people want you to be. Apparently people don't want to know what I'm making for dinner or that I'm entertained by my cat snoring. Those people would be well advised not to follow me.

Granted, I do think you should learn from the things that annoy you in others, and not do them yourself. Learn from the things you admire in others, and adapt them to your own strengths.
 I like to know both the professional and personal side of people I follow on Twitter; it's much like enjoying a well-developed character in a book. If you're only showing your professional side, you come across as pretty flat. Be a real person. There's only one of you. Tell me who you are.

Granted, I think a key to this is to try and have a sense of humor about it. Whether on Twitter or in real life, genuinely self-absorbed people are just boring. But random glimpses of others' quirks remind me of the notes struck by a really good poem, when I'm grateful to realize just how universal my individual perspective really is.

So, that's my little rant about "how to act on Twitter". In other news, while the rest of the writing world is launching into NaNoWriMo with all the frenzy that writing a novel in a month deserves, I'm throwing myself into NaNoEdMo rather like a dive into an icy pond. In other words, I'm editing the novel I wrote during last year's NaNo. I attempted the same project in May, and got through five chapters in two weeks. This morning, I got through those five chapters again, and yes, through chapter 6 as well. (Hooray! Progress!) Here's hoping that being unemployed will keep me swimming through the murky waters of revision.

Since I'm working on this project, a lot of the links posted by my tweeps are serving as helpful reminders on the craft of writing. I hope they help you too. The agent/publishing/marketing-related links will come later.

My sincere thanks for links and/or writing the actual articles: @inkyelbows, @megancrewe, @motjustes, @ElizabethSCraig, @Quotes4Writers, @AdviceToWriters, @benwhiting, @mystorywriter, @david_hewson, @WritersDigest, @brianklems, @jessicastrawser, @MFAConfidential, Jon Morrow and Stephanie Perkins.

Tips from a master of writing. From @MFAConfidential: Flannery O'Connor's take on the tenets of craft. http://ow.ly/15YolZ

From psych major and YA author @megancrewe: What makes a good story? http://j.mp/3gOhzY

From Elizabeth S. Craig's excellent blog: Different characters have different perceptions. http://short.to/v7hu

From crime writer Andrew Taylor: Getting the Plot Right. http://bit.ly/10vwGX

From Jon Morrow: No one but you is an authority on your writing. http://bit.ly/r3nK3

To become a better writer: Intense, focused practice. http://bit.ly/1NpapO

He's absolutely right about the Facebook/Twitter trap. From @david_hewson: Keeping your writing alive - even when you're not writing. http://ow.ly/x71i

From @brianklems: 4 Tips for Choosing the Right Word. http://ow.ly/xmw7

I'm not quite sure how I ended up on the following blog, but I enjoy the irony of her digressions as she talks about how important it is to stay focused on your plot. Irony aside, good tips on self-editing: 
  http://naturalartificial.blogspot.com/2009/10/scarf-weather-answers-part-eleven.html

learning.

This whole large-amounts-of-free-time thing is a new and strange experience for me. The good news is that I'm learning a hell of a lot.

One thing I'm learning is that posting writing links gleaned on Twitter "once or twice a week", as I so naively posted yesterday, would either be totally insufficient or completely overwhelming. There are just too many good articles out there. I must've read at least 35 or 40 yesterday, and since waking less than two hours ago, I've read 5 or 10 more. Um... wow.

I feel a bit silly for not cluing in to this wealth of information before. I take some comfort in the fact that I was working more than 40 hours a week, and any time I made for writing took the form of cocooning myself in my own creative efforts. But what a remarkable new world to enter; it's almost like a DIY grad degree.

Still, however inspiring and useful the articles are, a too-long list of links could turn into a death-by-chocolate scenario, in which one's attempting to finish an ecstatically yummy cake, but can't quite manage the last couple bites for fear of brain explosion.

Really, it's a lot to keep up with, and a lot to take in. Frankly, my brain's kinda tired. So I'm going to tell the perfectionist side of me to feck off, keep up with the articles as best I can, and post a round-up on here when I have 10-15 links or so. Which, dear reader, would be now, among other times.

A few current trends are apparent: NaNoWriMo fever, for one; for another, massive changes are afoot in the publishing world, but the traditional process is by no means obsolete (yet); and an interesting number of articles calling writer's block is a sissy's excuse neglecting your craft. I didn't post any of that last category here, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts that a quick google search on it will give you plenty of reading.

A couple other things are also obvious: if you're a writer on Twitter, and you're not following @inkyelbows, @motjustes, and @thecreativepenn, you're seriously missing out. These folks have led me to at least 85 percent of the articles I'm posting here, and they are invaluable resources. Rock on, y'all, and thanks.

Other literary tweeps providing links or writing these excellent articles: @bhurley, @FictionMatters, @Nathan Bransford, @BookEndsJessica, @joannayoung, @Kid_Lit, @JonMorrow, @FictionCity, @ftoolan, @fastcompany, @jessicastrawser and @WritersDigest. My heartfelt thanks.

If I've left anyone out, I apologize - let me know in the comments and I'll update with appropriate credit.

On writers and the craft of writing:

@bhurley: The craft vs. the art of writing http://bit.ly/Geck2

Why good writers make bad conversationalists http://short.to/v4u5

@NathanBransford: Mainstream literary fiction is increasingly found at the intersection of quality and accessibility. http://bit.ly/4uzPbW

@BookendsJessica: Present vs past tense: which is best? http://bit.ly/1SSaRP

I really liked this article. Character and landscape http://bit.ly/1iaKwY

Another great article. @joannayoung: Confident writing tips (stop apologizing!) http://bit.ly/2r8VgO

"Good writing is rewriting." The Secret of Pixar Storytelling http://bit.ly/30PjLJ

Great roundtable discussion. Starting a new novel: http://short.to/v4uz

10 top social networks for artists & writers http://tinyurl.com/yzl5ree

On publishing:

@Kid_Lit: If you’re getting intimidated by a query letter, you’re probably overthinking it. http://j.mp/cU50V

20 Tips for Query Letters http://bit.ly/1IY0T5

@FictionCity: Finding Consistency in Query Letter Advice http://bit.ly/1bMSQ1

Mind-boggling. @ftoolan: The Day Publishing All Changed http://short.to/uwyd

@fastcompany: Forget Everything You've Heard About Book Publishing http://is.gd/4zXUt

tweedle-dee

I'm a big fan of Twitter. I know some people aren't into it; to each their own, and all that. But if you're a writer, I cannot recommend Twitter strongly enough. It's an excellent forum for connecting with other writers & bibliophiles, getting leads on potential agents, and above all, finding an almost ridiculous amount of useful articles & essays on all aspects of craft, publishing, self-marketing, etc.

So, being newly unemployed and having ample time on my hands to pursue and peruse said articles & essays, I've decided to these are just too good to not share with the rest of the non-tweeting world. Once or twice a week, I'm going to post a round-up of links to awesome writing articles or resources I've found on Twitter.

And so it begins. If you're on Twitter, check out my feed @annthewriter. Many thanks for the links (or writing the pieces themselves) to @ElizabethSCraig, @inkyelbows, @motjustes, @ColleenLindsay, @VictoriaMixon, @AlexanderChee, @justinemusk, @thecreativepenn, @rileymagnus and @ByLeavesWeLive.

On writers & the craft of writing:

LOVED this: @alexanderchee on Annie Dillard's writing class: http://bit.ly/24rvRa

Nice interview with Seamus Heaney by Alan Taylor in the Herald: http://ow.ly/wNjb

"Reading is the inhale. Writing is the exhale." @justinemusk's reader's manifesto http://bit.ly/qORT4

Booker winner Hilary Mantel on historical fiction http://j.mp/2QapdS

10 ways to write every day: http://short.to/uqnx

On publishing & marketing your work:

Making sure your cover letters don't have sleazy pick-up lines in them: http://tinyurl.com/yzblrmk

Booklife: Strategies & Survival Tips for the 21st Century Writer - A different kind of guide http://bit.ly/28IC9c

Market Research for Authors http://short.to/uw23

(Incidentally, Twitter's a great resource for any craft or hobby you pursue - my feeds are largely comprised of those similarly obsessed with writing, reading, and/or craft beer. If you're into good beer, there are a hell of a lot of good breweries & cool homebrewers just tweeting away out there...)

a little more

Warning! The following post is of an unusually maudlin & navel-gazing sort, rather outside my normal MO. I'm not apologizing for it, I'm just giving fair warning. My life has taken some twists and turns lately that have left me speculating on the human condition, the vagaries of fate, and other such nebulous topics.

"So may we leave in the world a little more truth, a little more justice, a little more beauty than would have been there had we not loved the world enough to quarrel with it for what it is not, but still could be." - Rev. William Sloane Coffin, Jr., from P.S.: Further Thoughts from a Lifetime of Listening, by Studs Terkel

I fall into the trap, sometimes, of thinking the question of the human condition is the province of writers, musicians, artists alone. Leave it to Studs to awaken me to the infinite possibility of the question, and its relevance to every human in humanity's history. What is it in us that makes us yearn for beauty, for justice, for immortal truth? And do we really care as much about immortal truth as we do about its immediate experience in our lives, right now?

I have to wonder at the struggles we go through every day. We deplore injustice, we sorrow at ugliness, we outrage over a lie. But as long as they stay out of our immediate lives, we don't often do much about them. Maybe we find ourselves ignoring them so often because they're just too big to cope with while driving on the morning commute or lunching on a PB&J; maybe we ignore them because they'd keep us up at night. And yet when they touch our lives, when someone is unjust or ugly to us, how massive the question then, how we lose our appetite, how restless we lie in our beds.

But surely it's not only writers - or artists of any type - who hear this question whispered day in & day out by our stirring souls. My life has taken place entirely in the nuclear age; there's always been an underlying sense that the world's going to end somehow, someday, maybe in ten years, maybe in a thousand or ten thousand years. It's either going to end entirely, or humans will, and all our art, all our beauty and truth and justice will be - not meaningless, because they have intrinsic meaning - but without an audience.

And really, what use are truth and justice and beauty without someone to appreciate them? Is it enough for them to exist for their own sake? I'm not sure it is. And I confuse myself, honestly, somewhere between the intrinsic meaning of these crucial elements of life, and the fullness of existence that an audience gives them.

For example: let's say there's a ridiculously scrumptious organic strawberry dipped in dark chocolate. (Just for example. Not that I could totally scarf about a dozen of those right now.) This is going to have an inherent element of deliciousness to it (just pretend no one's allergic to strawberries, for the sake of argument). But if nobody eats it, does it matter? What value would it have? The truth and beauty of its deliciousness is wasted, unappreciable, without consumption.

But I don't think this is what Studs and Rev. Coffin, Jr were discussing on this occasion. (I get sidetracked easily by chocolate-covered strawberries.) I think their point bears more on the perhaps ultimately futile and yet necessary struggle to heighten the human condition, despite the fact that the world will end someday.

The question is not so much about art but about justice. Whether the world will end one day or not is almost irrelevant to the human condition (almost, but not quite). What matters is here and now, how we treat each other this moment, how we treat the world today, how much beauty we see, how much truth we speak, how just we are to one another. The fate of the future matters, but we're living right now, and all we can do is make now worth living.

silent night

New poem. At least insomnia's good for something. Will need revision, of course, but at least at 6:22 a.m. I've already done some creative writing for the day... I wish I could control the column width so the lines wouldn't wrap like they are, dropping the last word down. But then, there are a lot of things I wish.

silent night

the world lies silent and still, watchful with winter insomnia,
except the dog snoring at the foot of the bed, content in dreams.
silent watches of the night are never true, something always intrudes:
drip of faucet, wind stirring late autumn’s crisp husks of leaves
and the sound of my thoughts, trampling over and again through
my all-too-busy brain. what if, what if, what if, what if.
the world waits full of cruel possibilities, watchful of my careless steps,
waiting to drop the other shoe. the silent night
does not let me rest, the faucet echoes my relentless worry
over things I cannot control. keep the wind from rustling the leaves,
call the plumber I cannot afford, silence the mind from its fret and fears,
tell the people who think ill of me they are wrong. stop the sun, it rises soon.